if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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