chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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