He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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