dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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