the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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