I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
