So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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