I want to make a zoo with you.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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