Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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