I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am one with the molecules
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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