Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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