the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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