If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
