It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
