If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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