dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
