Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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