my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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