i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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