So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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