they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
