trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize