The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
