Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found a bag of teeth...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dear god my vagina.
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