Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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