so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
