Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize