WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
