mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
