Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
