I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
