Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
