i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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