Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
