haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
