Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
