My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
