I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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