You really coming over, don't trick.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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