Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
