sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
