there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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