someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
