the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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