he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
