dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
