My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
