He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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