Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
be right there i have to get my cape
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
