Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
