Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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