forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
