May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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