I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
