I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
