Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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