when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
