I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
