So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
