When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
