Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
