shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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