By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
