Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How naked do you want me to be?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
