i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
