she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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