Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
