its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
