my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
