so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
