His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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