my phone needs a breathalizer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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