I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
