Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
