i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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