he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
