you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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