so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
