21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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